With the city behind me
the prairie the only answer to my discomfort
I followed highway 36 east
until the light changed.
There on the side of the road I waited.
bare feet on pavement.
And then this.
We’ve had a rocky start to the school year, with lots of ups and downs. Now that we are approaching the beginning of Autumn things seem to be settling down. Still there have been some important and beautiful things that I have learned.
Taking the time to be by myself up in the mountains is the most restorative thing I can do for myself, in a way that no walk around the city can. It is the silence that my mind craves, these days of rushing from home to campus to home to pick up Alder to studying, leave little space in my mind to process the bigger picture and to nurture myself.
That when I get lost in all the small details of what I’m working on it is important to step back and look at where I am really going. But at the same time it is easy to get lost in “the future” where there are no imperfections. It is a careful balance between all of this.
I need to trust my convictions about how to live my life. That people who try to sell me on the traditional model may be good hearted but they generally have a very narrow view of how the future should go. They will try hard to change my mind about the way I am trying to shift my life because they feel like they wither know better or think that we want the same things.
When I reach a barrier inside myself take a step back and look to see where it comes from. Look deeply and then move forward (as I learned last night this is not a middle of the night thing to do). There is no benefit in pushing up against a barrier hoping to just knock it down. Instead it has to be understood and removed.
Welcome to New York!
[the park is open only 5 days a week 11am to 7 pm, it was around 5 pm when this picture was taken]
A little over ten years ago we all came together at the bottom of the lawn, a spot more commonly used for sledding than parties. You will all have to bare with me over the next week all of the photos are on disks and I want them someplace less fragile. So this being part one will be the ceremony. Part 2 will be the reception, those photos will have to wait until Sunday evening when I can use my father’s copy of the disk (ours is corrupted). All photographs, in the post were taken by Robert Tobey.
I was not blessed
instead I paused on my own
letting the words fall away
until I could see.
the fracture between nature and self
does not exist
it is just a byproduct of taxonomy
and an echo of the coal choked industry
of two centuries ago
Darwin and Arkwright could only guess
where they would lead us.
letting the words fall away
I opened my eyes again
and the world was so vibrant.
As I said earlier this week I was invited to be part of Luminous Traces a photo blog, I will be posting there every Friday.
I’ve been in school for two weeks now and the rhythm of our weeks are only starting shape. I am having to remember what it means to study and do homework, the whole act of slowing down and focusing. As I walked home in the cold on Friday evening I realized how good it feels to be stretching my mind in a new direction, one where I am actually learning completely new things. To sit down with a compass and a straight edge feels like a privileged not a chore.
To celebrate beginnings, and sunshine, we went for a hike yesterday up in Eldorado Canyon. Hikes like this are made for looking at the world around us and making plans for the future. Of course we are more cautious now than we used to be with the plans. That is okay though, our plans are ones that we can actually reach, which is in the end so much better rather than watching grand plans vanish.